You're Probably Still Wondering What I Actually Do All Day

Within the last month I have not publicly reflected on my actual workplace experience, the component of CUSP which is considered by many to be the focus of the summer. There is a lot to think about in regards to my internship, both comparatively (in relation to all of the work that my peers are doing) and internally (in relation to my values, goals, and knowledge of self.) I have a difficult time discussing the work I have been doing at the Center for Urban Pedagogy (CUP) in our Friday reflection seminars or even in more casual conversations with those CUSP participants who, over the summer, have become good friends.









The Old American Can Factory, where CUP's office is housed; a dialysis facility on 4th Ave at the edge of the Gowanus section of Brooklyn;

I spend most of my week doing research and administrative tasks in a one-room office with CUP's two full-time employees. My duties range from updating the website to investigating potential public program topics to running errands and picking up supplies. My interaction with CUP's ever-changing constituents is minimal. As my peers talk about the children they've encountered who have completely changed their outlook on pop culture and gender or the parents they see in courts and jails fighting to maintain relationships with their families, I feel that my work is inadequate. CUP's projects don't involve instant gratification or instant defeat. I can't see immediate results, and my experiences have been far less emotionally charged than those of my peers. As a result, this summer I have often worried about the legitimacy of my current efforts and the validity of my goals for the future within the context of the struggle for social justice.

However, during the CUSP placement process I did specify that I wanted to be involved in identifying and analyzing the structural causes of poverty and injustice rather than addressing the needs of individuals affected by inequality. This structural perspective most definitely drives CUP, and all of their programs and projects unwaveringly support that approach to social change. When I examine the work I am doing in terms of my beliefs and desires rather than those of other people, the role that CUP plays within the global conversation about urbanity and inequality becomes clear to me.

This woman is looking at a photo taken as part of a CUP project to destigmatize public housing. She is a resident of a very vibrant community of senior citizens at the Wyckoff Gardens public housing project in Brooklyn. Is producing postcards featuring public housing residents going to change anyone's attitude? Will it change anything at all? I am optimistic that seeing the real live humans that live, work, and play in the scorned, feared projects will have an impact on the public's perception of these neighborhoods in the long run.

Although I feel strongly that structural causes of social problems must be addressed if lasting change is to occur, and I want to do work that supports this belief, I have not yet developed the patience and discipline required to push for long-term, systemic change. I find myself clinging to a young, headstrong heroine mentality despite all of the evidence that this approach is useless in the face of centuries of the subtle perpetuation of oppression and injustice. I hope that time and a project in which I have the opportunity to be more invested will help me to cultivate the patience and foresight necessary to make significant, sustainable changes.